[#1] |I’m Skinny|It’s Not My Fucking Fault

I. AM. TIRED.

TIRED of feeling ashamed for being skinny.
Being told im too small.
Being told to put some ‘meat’ on my bones.
Being called a stick.
Being told i probably eat nothing and puke up what i do eat.
Im tired of being dissatisfied with my natural body shape and appearance, because of other people’s unwarranted and judgemental opinions.

Im tired of shoving food in my stomach forcing myself to keep eating almost to the point of being sick, so that i can gain weight and get some ‘curves’ or some ‘shape’ then working out tirelessly in the gym trying to transform myself into a thick muscly curvy strong idealized version of myself.

Even when I was at my most meticulous about planning and counting all of my macronutrients and worked out religiously, i was in peak physical fitness, and i still hadnt achieved that pedestal version of myself. Because its unattainable. There is no perfection. Even though i was doing everything perfect and perfect in judgmental eyes of others, i was miserable still. I was mentally exhausted and not in peak mental health. Anytime i wanted to give myself a break or eat something fatty i would be sobbing in tears and cry myself to sleep over my disappointment in myself. Disappointed that i couldn’t have total control. Disappointed that i was a failure.

A FAILURE TO WHO?

NOW:
i just want to be unapologetically me.
I want to be happy in my body size, shape, and health.
I want to exercise for excitement and health | not for others to think I’m their version of pretty.
I want to eat for fulfillment, enjoyment, and health.
Not starve for a specific body image.
Not saturate my body with 10x MORE the amount of calories i actually needed, to attain a specific body type.

I want a mentally healthy mind, who is happy being the best version of ME, for ME. Not pretending to be happy go lucky for the sake of making others comfortable.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close